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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595735">The Shadow in Our Hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonnetStar/pseuds/SonnetStar'>SonnetStar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:09:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonnetStar/pseuds/SonnetStar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As Draco Malfoy sinks under the pressure from Voldemort, he is found by Hermione on the edge of a breakdown. This is how Draco Malfoy finds out that help really will be given to those at Hogwarts who ask for it - or sometimes don't ask for it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Shadow in Our Hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: Don’t own HP - clearly!<br/>Read and review guys and be gentle - we need that in the world right now!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She could see the sunken eyes, their movement ranging from looking down and not making eye contact with anyone, to rapidly moving from one end to the other, always keeping an eye on those around him. <br/>
There was no trust, no confidence in anyone around him.<br/>
<em>Of course I have reason to keep an eye on him</em>, she told herself. <em>He could be bringing more trouble, and we don’t need more trouble.</em> <br/>
Hermione Granger was a smart girl. Much smarter than any other student at Hogwarts. She never thought it would be quite so arduous to convince herself of her complete disinterest in the well being of one Draco Malfoy. After all, when has he ever given her a reason to worry about him. It would be an understatement to say they weren’t friends! The furrow between her brows or the frown on her face was her concern about him brewing more trouble for Harry; this was a mantra she repeatedly muttered to herself.<br/>
But as Draco Malfoy’s desperation became more and more apparent, and the dangers from the Wizarding world were no longer confined but spreading to the muggle world like wildfire, it was challenging to deny Harry’s accusations - how can one disregard every suspicious action done by Malfoy this year? At some point it stopped feeling like defending him with logic and more like excuses to her.<br/>
And so it went, her following him with her eyes, as keenly as Harry tried physically. She discovered more about him, learned as much as she possibly could about a person without actually spending time with them. Now she knew the look in his eyes when he thought no one was looking at him, she knew the straightening of his shoulders when he had to interact with the others and show that he is still their prince. She knew the slight quirk of his lips and the light in his eyes when he found something funny - a rare phenomenon these days - and she recognised how he licked his lips when he began speaking of things he wasn’t too sure of, but didn’t dare show it to the world. His fingers had a tendency to tap tap tap, his mind playing a rhythm only he could hear, and sometimes, his feet would join in too. But this would occur only when he was working and alone, never for anyone to witness. She knew his preferred food served at Hogwarts - Steak and Kidney Pie, Yorkshire pudding - showing his appraisal in the form of a minuscule nod.           <br/>
Because so much of her time had been spent scrutinising him, Hermione was aware of the exact moment when Draco Malfoy lost his battle with control, his carefully constructed mask that had until now been covering his fear and panic, falling apart. It didn’t come down piece by piece, taking its slow time. Rather his facade broke all at once - shattered like precious glass. The strain was visible in his shoulders as he attempted to hide his desperation under anger and disgust, flinging harsh words characteristic of him as he stalked away from the Slytherin table while his fellow snakes watched him leave. <br/>
Hermione thanked her lucky stars that Harry was too distracted by the apparent disagreement between Ginny and Dean to notice this altercation, a rarity for him since he has spent every waking minute keeping an eye on Malfoy. Spitting out a hurried excuse about the library and some book she needs for an essay, Hermione ran out of the Great Hall just as Malfoy disappeared around the corner. She followed him as he ran, non-verbally casting a silencing charm on her shoes to muffle the sound of her feet following him.<br/>
She was panting as she stopped just after he did, looking around her to recognise the Astronomy Tower. Draco was leaning over the railing of the tower, breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. She could feel his anxiety from all the way across the room, as he finally allowed himself to lose control. He wasn’t crying yet, although she could see the trembling of his shoulders and his gasping breaths.  <br/>
As much as she was tempted to comfort him, Hermione knew she had to think quite carefully before taking any action here. <em>A snake when feeling attacked would strike first himself. </em><br/>
Hesitantly, keeping herself across the room from him, she spoke, “You want to talk about about it?” <br/>
Immediately on hearing her, Draco had whirled around, his wand already raised. As he opened his mouth to hit her with what she assumed were cutting words, Hermione continued, “I- um, I promise I won’t tell anyone. Not even Harry and Ron!”<br/>
Draco’s face twisted with disdain as usual on hearing the boys’ names. <br/>
“Such disloyalty to the dumbfuck duo, Granger? Are the ranks breaking in your Gryffindor ivory tower? As it is, there is nothing for me to say, especially not to your pathetic self - so you can leave me alone mudblood!”<br/>
A deep breath. Reminding (convincing) herself that she’s doing this for Harry and that she’s a decent person, Hermione ignored his taunts and tried again. <br/>
“I-is it Voldemort? Or your parents? Has something happened to either of them?”<br/>
While he’d jerked at the Dark lord’s name, he trembled again when she mentioned his parents. Almost as if the very thought of them in danger seems to choke him. The arm holding his wand had lowered a little, while he himself appeared to fold in on himself, trying not to lose it was taking all his energy, so that he didn’t even insult her this time. This lack of his regular brand of venom was evidence of how close to breaking he really was.<br/>
Knowing this was her opportunity to make in headway, Hermione took the few steps and moved closer to him.<br/>
Meanwhile, his breath running ragged, Draco had sat down on on the floor. His knees were pulled up to his chest. Hermione knelt down beside him, gently putting one hand on his back. When he didn’t shrug her off, too busy trying to catch his breath, she started moving her hand up and down comfortingly. <br/>
Softly, trying not to scare him off, she pushed his head between his legs and spoke to him, “It’s okay. Shh. Yeah put your head down like this, it’ll help you get your breath back. I’m here. It’s just us. I swear I won’t speak about this to anyone.”<br/>
Hermione continued like this, steadfastly ignoring the tears she knew were running down his face. This was the least she could do for him, let him have this much dignity. <br/>
After a while, when he seemed to have calmed down, she said, “It’s him isn’t it? H-has he done something to you? Has he hurt you? Or…or your parents?”<br/>
When she’d almost believed that he wouldn’t answer her, he spoke.<br/>
“Y-yeah. He has my mother. He could hurt her or worse if I don’t.… And I’m stuck here. I can’t DO anything!” His voice was frustrated and angry. “But why do YOU care! You should be happy about it - go celebrate! Pathetic-crying-Malfoy gets what he deserves! I’m sure Potty and Weasel will be thrilled to hear this!!”<br/>
“I already told you I won’t tell them. And of course I care! Sure you’re a bully Malfoy and so cruel! But- I mean if you’re this torn up about him and almost crushed under the weight of whatever he’s doing to you, then clearly you’re not evil like the likes of Bellatrix or Dolohov or your Dad - no offence! And really which kid - cruel bully or not - deserves to have their parent’s lives hanging over their head? Can’t you ask her to leave? Just run away Draco! Go to Dumbledore! He will help you! Whatever he’s making you do - you don’t have to do it!”<br/>
As Hermione’s words turned desperate at the end, Draco sat back up and said in a cold voice “I’m not going to Dumbledore Granger!”<br/>
“What? Why the hell not?”<br/>
“He won’t help me. I know it!”<br/>
“Of course he will! <br/>
“No he won’t!”<br/>
“Uugghh - just because you Slytherins are hate him doesn’t mean he’ll let a student or his parents die!”<br/>
“I said I’m not going to him and that’s it granger. Forget it!”<br/>
“You - you bullheaded..” Hermione wanted to pull and tear her hair out - or his! “Why are you being so stubborn! He. Will. Help. You.”<br/>
“Draco’s voice was sharp, “Not if he knew I was supposed to kill him Granger!” He ran his hands through his own hair, avoiding looking at her - somehow he couldn’t handle seeing the judgement in her eyes for this. And she didn’t even know all of it!<br/>
It was silent for a few minutes.<br/>
“I’d think if you tell a person that you were being forced to kill them but that you didn’t want to - they’d think more highly of you AND be more willing to help you than usual - At least normal people would!”<br/>
How could he believe that the man he ridiculed, cursed and insulted his whole career at Hogwarts would EVER deem him worthy of any aid at all - not after what he’d chosen this summer.<br/>
“Granger, you don’t—”<br/>
“There is no shame in asking for help to save the one you love, Draco. The price of pride cannot compare to the loss of a life.”<br/>
“I took the dark mark this summer!” <br/>
There was a sharp intake of breath and Draco cursed his loss of control over his mouth.<br/>
Meanwhile, Hermione’s mind was blank. The only thought in her head was <em>Harry was right. I am so stupid for ever thinking Malfoy could ever ——</em><br/>
Draco gave a sharp, bitter and miserable laugh. He had continued speaking and she numbly listened to him.<br/>
“I make it sound like it was a choice. Although in a way it kind of was? Does it really count  as a choice if the options are submit or death? I don’t know!” Draco continued rambling like this and she let him. “After father was put away I was so angry. And then He came to live in our house. Bella kept saying it was an honour. That it means that he wants to hurt Potter for the ministry as much as I do. Ha! As if! And then one day mother wasn’t allowed to leave the manor. All these men, these death eaters coming and going whenever they felt like it and my own mother - caged in her own house? At first they said it isn’t safe. I believed them. It made sense. But then one turned into two, then three, then a week. Suddenly it had been three weeks, mother or I weren’t allowed to leave our OWN HOUSE an- and Bella comes into our parlour asking me if I shout it was time for me to join Him? Telling mother to be careful with all these death eaters in the house even as she asked me if I wanted to pledge my loyalty to him! And I knew then - there was only one thing to do. And why wouldn’t I? I believed in Him - His cause since I could remember! But this leader I’d looked up to - he’d trapped my family in our own home - let my father rot in prison - and gave me a task that he knew I’d die achieving - he told me so himself - and now I don’t know who to believe anymore!” His voice was breaking now. “I don’t know what to believe in anymore!”<br/>
Hermione didn’t say anything. She couldn’t think of what to say or do. Part of her told her to get up, go to Dumbledore and report Draco in. But even as she thought this, she knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.<br/>
“Go on then. Scream at me that I’m an evil murderer and run to Potter or Dumbledore. You’d be right to.” It seemed both her and Draco were thinking along the same lines. <br/>
“You’ve been so hateful to me Malfoy. So hurtful and cruel.” Draco held his breath, waiting for his sentence to be delivered. Hermione continued.<br/>
“I wish I could do that. But I can’t condemn you or- or call you evil! Do I think you plotting to kill Dumbledore or hurting other people instead is right? Fuck no! What happened to Katie was you wasn’t it? But I get where it stems from! I’d burn the whole fucking world down to ashes to save my parents too!”<br/>
Stunned both by her uncharacteristic cursing and her confession, Draco could only watch as she spoke.<br/>
“I’d like to believe I’d make the ‘right’ or noble choice…..but I’m not sure I would.” Hermione shrugged. There was a soft thunk as she tilted her head backwards and it hit the wall behind her.<br/>
Draco looked at her and there was a kind of amazement on his face. “you surprise me Granger!”<br/>
Hermione turned and smiled at him sadly, “Desperation blinds as well as love does, I think.”<br/>
They were both silent for a while, watching as the moon rose into the sky. Finally, taking a deep breath, Draco asked, “What happens now, Granger?”<br/>
“Now? Now we ask some questions and find some answers.”<br/>
Raising one eyebrow, “Questions like what?”<br/>
“Questions like what kind of a world do you believe Voldemort is building? What will be your place in that world? And how easily will he displace you? How much power then, how much power and position does that mean you will really have?”<br/>
“Power? It’s your kind that he’s after Granger! If I do what he asks and don’t oppose him I’ll have all the power I want!”<br/>
There was pity in her eyes when she replied, “And so falls the house of Malfoy!”<br/>
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Said Draco sharply.<br/>
Hermione scoffed. Turning towards him, “Draco, He’s a creature of hate. When all the mudbloods are dead and the muggles are destroyed and the halfblooded and pureblood opposing Him imprisoned or enslaved or killed, do you think He’ll be content with what He’ll have left of the world? Fuck no He won’t! He’ll find something else to hate, someone else to kill. No One will be safe. Monsters like Him, they just want to watch the world burn - one person at a time. All He cares about is power - all He wants is power, over everyone! You think you’re special cause He tells you to hate muggles and muggleborns and kill and torture us - but you’re not! He’s using this—this century old prejudice to manipulate all the pureblood so He can get what He wants out of them. He’ll let all his followers plunder and torture and kill to their heart’s contents - and just when you’ll think to start enjoying this world that you’ve finally built, He’ll turn on his own followers so fast their bloody heads will spin!”<br/>
She could see him processing her words in his mind - agreeing with some of her points, probably contradicting with the others. A frustration and desperation was building up in him and burst forth in his words.<br/>
“Well what am I supposed to do then! Just leave everything I know - everything I have behind? Its not that simple Granger! How am I supposed to turn my back on centuries of my family’s legacy - how do I simply turn away?”<br/>
“I don’t know.” She turned to him in irritation when she heard him scoff, but softened when she saw there was no malice behind it - he was genuine. “I really don’t know how Draco. Contrary to what you all believe - I don’t know everything, although I’m sure you’ll feel vindicated on hearing me say this! I wish I could give you all the answers - but I can only help you figure out how to get out of this mess you’re in - I’ll go to Dumbledore or Mcgonagall with you or help you figure out how to get you’re mother out of there if we can!”<br/>
On getting no response from him, she looked down and shrugged, “I mean if you want my help - this is!”<br/>
“I don’t deserve your kindness, Granger!”<br/>
“The thing about kindness is, Draco, that it’s not about whether someone deserves it or not at all.”<br/>
And then, as he saw Hermione smile at him, really truly smile the way she does for the moronic duo best friends of hers, for the first time in a very long time Draco felt hope unfurl within him. <br/>
And so they sat there, the two seemingly opposing forces of the war, sharing silence and hope that they’ll do the right thing, and that maybe they’ll get through the war having done a little good in the world.<br/>
The darkness wasn’t vanquished then, but there was hope and for that moment, it was enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N: I’ve always been a big Dramione shipper (In fanfictions, NOT the book Draco - he’s an arsehole. I love reading the way all the different authors write his character’s development, change in his beliefs, his changing morality). But for this one shot - I wanted to stay away from the romance and make it about two people from the opposite sides of a war seeing that not everyone on the “wrong” side fights cause they’re evil but make wrong choices, and not everyone on the right side is an innocent, just put on a pedestal. Often we as readers understand this point objectively, but I wanted to explore it from the first person.<br/>I KNOW this has been done SO MANY times and I’m just another person adding to it. But meh I’m okay with it.<br/>When I first got this little story in my head - I only had a few phrases - ones that I just knew I had to use and centre a the plot around it. These are:<br/>- There is no shame in asking for help to save the one you love. The price of pride cannot compare to the loss of a life.<br/>- I’d burn the whole fucking world down to ashes to save my parents too!<br/>- Desperation blinds us as well as love does.<br/>- He’s a creature of hate.<br/>- Monsters like Him, they just want to watch the world burn - one person at a time</p></blockquote></div></div>
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